Rape-Related Pregnancy and Pregnancy Loss

A Place for Them

I remembered my pregnancy losses out of order, but in the first set I wanted to remember them each a little differently.  I felt a bit like they were drafts for souls that I hoped God hadn’t thrown away.  I wanted them to bring love and goodness into the world somehow, even if it wasn’t going to be through their lives as people.

A first thought was that I wanted somewhere on earth to be a memorial for them.  They never had a grave-stone or anything like that.  A friend suggested I might plant a tree or rose bush or other plant in their memory. 

The best place to find information about plants that you like or are meaningful to you is at your local garden nursery.  Your choice will be affected by what's suitable for your environment.
Forget Me Not Seeds 
Name a Unique Rose in Memory of Them and Grow It From Seed - a US site, I think
Lists of Memorial Roses in Scotland - A Nursery Site - a UK site with information about different types of rose used as memorials
Links to International Rose Sites 
Memorial Gifts, Including Dedicating or Buying Trees - a UK site that also has candles, jewellery and photo frames (see previous page here).
Trees for Sale at the Arbor Day Foundation
- a US site with a great range of trees and a "hardiness"-finder for your locality.
Information About Planting a Memorial Garden
- a US site

But I was worried I didn't have green enough fingers and would be upset if it died.  I decided to adopt some squares of rainforest land in memory of them – a section for each (in proportion to their age when I lost them).  Here are some links the Australian Rainforest Foundation site and some images of what the memory of my little ones is saving.  I keep the pictures where I can look at them.
ARF Save the Daintree Campaign 
ARF Adopt a Square Program 
ARF Give a Tree for Life Program 
ARF Image Library 
Rainforest Rescue - Australia, Ecquador, Indonesia - this is their Daintree page

When I remembered a later pregnancy and loss I decided to make a donation to Bush Heritage Australia, an organisation that acquires and manages land of outstanding conservation value, or works in partnership with other landowners to protect Australia's unique animals, plants and their habitats.

Other sites that plant trees or conserve land in memory of people include:
Kempsey (Australia)'s Memorial Garden - to remember little ones lost before 20 weeks
Arbor Day Foundation Trees In Memory
- a US site
American Forest Trees in Remembrance
 
Tree People Tree Dedications - another US site
Kingston Upon Thames Council Memorial Rose Gardens
- a UK site, a local council that has memorial rose gardens.  It might be worth ringing or emailing your own local council and asking whether they have rose gardens that people can support and dedicate roses in memory of loved ones.

Something else that might appeal to you is rescuing baby animals in memory of your lost little one.  Here's a site that might give you some ideas - World Society for the Protection of Animals Australia.  Examples of gifts for people are on the next page.

Some people make a place for a memorial online.  Here's one example:
Pregnancy Loss Information Online Memorial Garden
You can find more by searching the internet for "online memorials"

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