Rape-Related Pregnancy and Pregnancy Loss

Letting it Be About Me Too

Most recently I remembered losing another little one through a forced abortion when I was 13.  It might have been a trick, but I think I was pregnant and then I was not.  I wondered what I could do for this one.  Then I thought that maybe this time I should ask, what can I do for me?.  I'm the one still hurting and perhaps the only one even then. 

So I searched the internet and found some remembrance jewellery that seemed right. 


This pendant comes from an US site called My Forever Child and commemorates both the forced abortion at 12 (near the rose gardens) and the latest one.  The chain it comes with is very short, so I replaced it with a longer one.  You can get this with birthstone chips, but I didn't know the dates.  It's painful not to know the dates, but I took the option of getting a rose-pink crystal for a girl and a clear crystal because I don't know the sex of the baby.  It's also possible to get a blue crystal for a boy.  The butterflies are a symbol of the soul and transformation.  I also liked the poem about butterflies I saw on another site from the US, La Belle Dame - Healing Jewellery for Miscarriage, Still Birth, Infant Loss, Expressing Sympathy, which is a sensitively put together site with beautiful things on it.  Some other sites that sell this kind of thing include:
Sympathy Gifts in Australia

Memorial Jewellery - Badabing Jewellery Australia 
Memorial Jewellery Australia 
Cremation Jewellery Urns - Ebay Shop, Perth, Western Australia
- also has non-urn symbolic jewellery
Alexandra's Angel Gifts in the UK
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. in the US - Share Bracelets 
The Locket Shop in the US 
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Bracelet 
Miscarriage Gifts - a very helpful page from the US
The Comfort Company - Gifts of Sympathy After Miscarriage - another US site
Lasting Tribute Online Store - Memorial Gifts - a UK store
Memorial Gifts, Including Dedicating or Buying Trees - a UK site that also has candles, jewellery and photo frames (see previous page here).
Cremation Jewellery Urns - Ebay Shop, Perth, Western Australia - also has non-urn symbolic jewellery

You can also buy birthstone jewellery and jewellery with motifs like butterflies, stars, angels, forget-me-not flowers, crosses etc. in most jewellery shops, with a huge range of prices.  You can do an internet search to the type of jewellery you're interested in, e.g. "angel pendant", or you can look for jewellery shops near you.  If your little one was cremated you might like to search for "cremation jewellery" or "memorial jewellery", for lockets etc. that can carry the ashes of your child.  You can find it at the memorial and cremation jewellery sites above, but there are many, many other shops. 

The idea of wearing jewellery to remember seems a good one, but also hard to do.  It means accepting the memory and carrying it with you.  You might not wear it all the time, but you're going to choose to pick it up and put it on.  That's quite a big step I think.  My necklace arrived today.  I don’t know when I’ll be able to wear it, but I hope it will be soon.

(Update: I wore the necklace for the first time yesterday and it felt good and right, and sad but not too overwhelming.)